SysInclude

Submitted:

7 months ago

Submitted by:

R.t Vijai Anand

Topic:

Blogs » Lifestyle

I remember
my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only
did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures,
but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong
success.

One particularly interesting event
occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees,
poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our
lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top
of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old
brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just
thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in
the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet
below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did.
About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear
the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my
dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The
next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs,
laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety.
My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when
Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't
fall!" And Tammy did… fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In
order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her
nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the
brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain
instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You
can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize
not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do
and visualize that. For example,
when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school
football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it
together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head
as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped
the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to
teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch
and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good
Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is
positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing
football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer
football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to
teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask
them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my
instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil."
Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and
watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying
attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most
people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain
while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give
it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no
try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people
will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they
won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word
try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the
world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them
brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words
"I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a
seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your
unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a
decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be
at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls
through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists
claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative
statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It
might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage
of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. 

Ask yourself how many compliments you
give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are
talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give
us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1
ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, "
I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough.
I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

 If
our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement,
imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with
your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.


Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø
Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't
actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.

Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the
opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and
coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better
language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might
find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books
more often!"

Exercise:
Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or
any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these
phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and
change them.